Vasquez wishes that Faraday weren't being so right when it comes to this argument. True, he hadn't been lying, but he definitely had been holding back the truth because of what it would do to them. Even now, he hates that the truth came out because it means that everything that had been going so well has to change.
It does matter to him and it matters so incredibly much. That's the worst part of this. Somewhere along the line, Faraday became the most important thing in Vasquez's life, someone that he feels responsible for in a way that it doesn't scare him to have him like that.
It only scares him now to know he's about to lose it.
"Fine, it's different," he agrees, bitterly. "I'm saying that you could have found out the words without finding out the rest." It feels like he's been cut open and all of his secrets are spilling out in front of him, making him feel aching and awful. Maybe this is why he hasn't allowed himself to get close to anyone before, because when it all comes to an end, it's worse than being shot.
He can't even bring himself to call Faraday guero now, when it had been so easy to do before. "Cógeme," he breathes out, exhausted and aching. "I need a drink." He rubs a hand over his face, giving Faraday a tired look when he pulls it away. "I won't apologize," he says stubbornly. "I can't stop it, but I'll put space between us. I think maybe it's impossible now to go back to what was before." It will definitely hurt more to have to pretend and Faraday isn't so keen on the lying and the pretending.
"What does it matter that it matters?" he demands, but most of the anger has bled out of him, replaced by hollow certainty. "I know you, Faraday," he says, more of an accusation than it could be. "I know what life you like. Your red lipstick cheeks, your perfumed Henrietta, your Ethel," he lists. "That's what matters to you, so what I want, what I think or feel, it means that this..." He gestures between them, to signify their friendship, their partnership, whatever they want to call it. "It can't be any more. I can't do it," he admits, and maybe that's the most honest he's been so far.
It's not just about the awkwardness between them.
Vasquez has to confront the fact that he also can't keep watching Faraday go about the flirting and what he likes without it driving him crazy.
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It does matter to him and it matters so incredibly much. That's the worst part of this. Somewhere along the line, Faraday became the most important thing in Vasquez's life, someone that he feels responsible for in a way that it doesn't scare him to have him like that.
It only scares him now to know he's about to lose it.
"Fine, it's different," he agrees, bitterly. "I'm saying that you could have found out the words without finding out the rest." It feels like he's been cut open and all of his secrets are spilling out in front of him, making him feel aching and awful. Maybe this is why he hasn't allowed himself to get close to anyone before, because when it all comes to an end, it's worse than being shot.
He can't even bring himself to call Faraday guero now, when it had been so easy to do before. "Cógeme," he breathes out, exhausted and aching. "I need a drink." He rubs a hand over his face, giving Faraday a tired look when he pulls it away. "I won't apologize," he says stubbornly. "I can't stop it, but I'll put space between us. I think maybe it's impossible now to go back to what was before." It will definitely hurt more to have to pretend and Faraday isn't so keen on the lying and the pretending.
"What does it matter that it matters?" he demands, but most of the anger has bled out of him, replaced by hollow certainty. "I know you, Faraday," he says, more of an accusation than it could be. "I know what life you like. Your red lipstick cheeks, your perfumed Henrietta, your Ethel," he lists. "That's what matters to you, so what I want, what I think or feel, it means that this..." He gestures between them, to signify their friendship, their partnership, whatever they want to call it. "It can't be any more. I can't do it," he admits, and maybe that's the most honest he's been so far.
It's not just about the awkwardness between them.
Vasquez has to confront the fact that he also can't keep watching Faraday go about the flirting and what he likes without it driving him crazy.